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Why People Won't Ask You For Help

Why people don't ask YOU for help?

We have an innate desire to help others in need. We quite often tell people 'If you need to talk, you can come to me. I will always be here for you, at any time, please call me."

We recently were part of a community meeting in Wellington.  We had young people and their whanau / families there in support of their event.  The event was raising awareness about suicide prevention.  The families that were there were very supportive of their young people and expressed the same line: 'If you need to talk, you can come to me. I will always be here for you, at any time, please call me."

One brave young person stood up and responded to that: ' Thank you for always being there for me but to be honest, I can't just come to you, I find it very difficult to come to you because I wouldn't know what to say.  I can't even find words to express what I am feeling.  I feel overwhelmed when I can't  understand what is happening in my own head.  I probably won't come to you for help but could you come to me?  When you see I am not coming out of my room or am a bit moody than normal, can you check in on me?."

People don't come to you, a part of them is hoping you will check in on them.

Here are 10 reasons that stop people from asking YOU for help?  1. Too much shame 2. What do I say? 3. What if they tell me to harden up? 4. I have no energy, I am emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. 5. They won't listen 6. I will be judged 7. I don't want to hurt my family by letting them down 8. It's a sign of weakness if I ask for help 9. Will they fix me - I don't want to be fixed.  10. Will I get in trouble?

Notice how none of these reasons have anything to do with YOU personally. Can you honestly say these are valid reasons?  NO they are not!  

We need to be more alert, we need to also understand the kinds of dilemmas that stop people from reaching out. Be courageous, check in and start a life-supporting conversation.



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